posted on Saturday, 5 May 2012 at 04:50 by Calleigh Ee Laine
We were sitting at Starbucks, over a cup of late night coffee and cigarettes. Me and two of my best mates. I was contemplating, and it's been a while. So I decided to talk about it to my mates. ' he's back', I said. 'Who?'. & told them about my ex. I asked them if I should tell the person I'm seeing now. The both of them said, I shouldn't.
I didn't wanna hurt him. Knowing that he don't fancy him, especially with the stories i told him about my past. At the same time I don't wanna hide things from him. I want him to trust me. I wanted him to know that I have nothing to hide. That I am thoroughly over my past.
So we spent time together that night. We talked, we ate, we laughed and we had a great time. I decided that it was a good time & I popped the subject. ' I have something to tell you', I said while he was fiddling with his phone. ' What's that?', he asked. Then I pulled up all my courage & told him about it.
He looked somewhat disappointed, I sat quietly and waited for him to comment. He said, it's okay. Told me that he was okay with it and said that he was glad that I told him about it. I felt much better. He asked me of this one thing : ' if he asks you out, please don't go.' I promised cause that will never happen, not in a good or bad way.
Then much later, we sat and watched tv together. Evolution was the name of the movie. Then eventually decided that it was late, and headed for bed. We had pillow talk and he decided to pop the question, 'Will you be my girlfriend?' I smiled. Then I said this, 'do you trust me?'. He looked at me. With his beautiful eyes, and reassured me and said yes. I see that confidence in his eyes.
I was happy and I woke up in the morning still feeling happy :)
We both have trust issues. Both being in the same situations before. Getting hurt over and over again. I gained his trust & him mine. I need this trust from him. I want it.
I want us.
It's been good so far. At this point I'm happy. Having him in my life and him letting me discover his.
However I wonder, how long are we both going to last? After dating so long & and finally getting what I want. Right here I'm thinking, I'm a lucky girl. But do I deserve him? Do i deserve to be this happy all of a sudden?
Questions lie in my head. Options only one : Him.
This trust issue we have, it's somehow resolved. In many ways there are still holes. Small ones.
I wanna be happy with him. I want someone I can resolve my problems with. Someone who's willing to take the time to prune a plant with me than just asking me to sweep dust under the rug.
I can't be sure of our future. It's too soon.
But there's trust. That I'm sure.
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